A Little Twist in Scandinavia

In 1998, Andrew Sullivan wrote, in Love Undetectable (p. 162):

In lesbian culture also, many of the alleged pathologies most closely associated with gay men seem to be absent. Personal competition sometimes cedes to an almost stifling emphasis on consensus and conformity; loving relationships are often the rule rather than the exception; sexual intrigue and the linkages between friends and lovers are complex and long-lasting. Here is a culture of extraordinary stability and variety, a monogamist's dream of political and social community which somehow has not found its champions among the family-mongering religious right.

Although I remain curious about what Sullivan meant by complex "sexual intrigue," the key point here is the notion of hyper-monogamous lesbians forming classically perfect communities. In all of his writing on the topic that I've read, Sullivan seems to take the feminizing effect of women on society as defining the ideal, which could expand into a broad topic of itself. More specific, however, is the recurring rhetorical contrivance that lesbians will somehow cancel out any harmful tendencies among gay men should same-sex marriage become a cultural reality. From a piece in the August 5, 2001, Sunday Times of London:

In Vermont only a few thousand such marriages have taken place, with two thirds of them between lesbians. These lesbian marriages are more monogamous than most heterosexual marriages because, by and large, women are less prone to philandering than men.

Given this commonplace (with which I've been inclined to agree — except for the strange idea that one can be more monogamous than monogamous), a summary, published by the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, of a study of divorce rates among Swedish same-sex marriages is astonishing:

The study found that gay male couples were 1.5 times as likely (or 50 percent more likely) to divorce as married opposite-sex couples, while lesbian couples were 2.67 times as likely (167 percent more likely) to divorce as opposite-sex married couples over a similar period of time. Even after controlling for demographic characteristics associated with increased risk of divorce, male same-sex couples were 1.35 times as likely (35 percent more likely) to divorce, and lesbian couples were three times as likely (200 percent more likely) to divorce as opposite- sex married couples.

In contrast (apparently) to Vermont, 62% of same-sex marriages in Sweden were between men. That near-reversal points to the first obvious disclaimer to any analysis in the context of the American debate: cultural differences likely exist even between the corresponding subcultures of the Sweden and the United States. The second obvious disclaimer, at least for me, is that suggestions, at this point, are purely speculative, and in-depth research for such factors as couples' attitudes and practices will be necessary.

However, if I were among a group brainstorming possible explanations for this surprising statistical outcome, I'd suggest looking at precisely the gender differences that would lead one to expect different results. That is to say: perhaps lesbians do take commitment and monogamy more seriously than gay men.

It could be, in that case, that men just don't bother to get divorced when they split up, whereas women want a clean, official break. Or perhaps Swedish gay men marry for reasons that don't flow directly from the relationship itself — whether benefits or some sort of social standing. That would accord with the widely held opinion that gay male marriages would be more likely to be open. In that case, diminished pressure for monogamy could actually serve to limit divorce rates. (Although at a rate much higher than opposite-sex marriages.)

A verboten intimation could follow a conclusion that, among gay men, a lowered bar is less likely to fall. The possibility can't be dismissed, although it surely will be, that women do take their interpersonal commitments more seriously, but that something either in the current homosexual subculture or in the nature of same-sex relationships makes unmodified marriage less stable.

Theoretically, the difference could very well result entirely from the inability to "become one" in the person of a mutual biological child. Or the unthinkable may, in fact, be true: that the ideal isn't to be found entirely in feminization, but in the balanced interplay of the sexes. Of course, if the a priori principle is that there is no such thing as an "ideal," then distinctions of lasting/fleeting, stable/unstable, balanced/imbalanced, coherent/incoherent are all gobbledygook anyway.